The Things I do to Keep My job

We have a new Managing Director at the company where I work. Now some people take change in their stride and others can't abide it. I personally don't like change for change sake but prefer to wait and see what actually happens before I get my knickers in a twist.
One of the problems within our company was very poor communication between sites and departments. Being a man who leads by example the M.D., who forwith shall be called C.J., decided to start a weekly e-mail. So far I am impressed, this is a man with a slightly warped sense of reality. Last weeks picture for the caption competition was a 5 gallon bucket of white paint and what looked like a giants loo roll. The winner was the only person whose caption was repeatable in front of the Vicar and didn't include the word haemorrhoids.
But! it is not his e-mail, oh no, we are all expected to contribute to it.......which is why I had to fill out a profile and send it back to him. I hate filling those things out, if you are honest people get offended, if you lie you come off sounding like a right toadying creep1). So I did my best to be me without scaring people. One of the questions was 'pet hates'. I filled in my top 3 and thought that's enough but I sent the addendum that as a G.O.W. the list was actually very long.
I received an e-mail back asking for my Top Ten. It was too easy.
Then I got to thinking I'm not really that miserable am I, surely a Top Ten of Pet Loves should be just as easy.
Now don't worry, I have so intention of becoming a Stepford wife but if we only ever concentrate on the things that annoy us then maybe we shouldn't complain if we begin to think life really does suck.
So here are my 2 Top Tens;

Pet Hates
1) People who think you can read their mind so don't bother to indicate whilst driving.
2) The medias' fixation on the cult of vapid celebrity.
3) Tony Blair and his Labour government.
4) People who treat their pets as if they are human. (NO I don't want to give Sharky a kiss goodnight, he's a bloody goldfish)
5) Sticky children
6) People who don't control their children and/ or pets
7) Badly behaved children and /or pets
8) People who think you have nothing better to do with your day but wait on their pleasure. (Doctors please take note I do have a life outside your surgery doors)
9) Lies, whether blatant untruths or lies by omission
10) People who don't use their brains.

Pet Loves
1) Badger Bill the fact we've been married over 20 years
2) Stretch and Chunk and the love, pride and joy they engender
3) The way my dogs great me when I get home from work.
4) Cats
5) People of bravery and courage even when they do seemingly daft things i.e. Ellen McArthur
6) People who are honest enough to admit when they screw up.
7) People who are honest.
8) Courtesy
9) Bacon and mushroom butties with a mug of builders strength tea.
10) Waking up n the morning and realizing I don't have to go to work.

So there you have it, God knows what they say about my psyche, probably that I need more therapy.